Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
