He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The dick lei will go down in squad history
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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