did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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