I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
