walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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