btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize