I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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