turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
