I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
