My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
