so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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