got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
