my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
