also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
