The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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