oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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