Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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