I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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