it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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