i'm signing you up for texting rehab
P.S. I can't hear my feet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
