I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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