If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
