I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
