Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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