Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?