This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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