My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
