just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is the high leading the old right now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
