I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
