When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
