She went from zero to smokin in five shots
barbara walters just said penis...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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