We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
third nipple confirmed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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