her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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