just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
