I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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