i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
