I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
