As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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