If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
