dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
