it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
