what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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