i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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