Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
