Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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