Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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