What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
