That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
