Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
