Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
