hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he thought i was a dude.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
