You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
