So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
