be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
