So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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