no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
