I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this will be a night to untag.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
