road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
