like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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