Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
