do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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